Master of Creation - Reborn: Round 1

[Mincer Lightbringer]

A random idea for D&D 3.5, imagined in my KitchenSink campaign setting, but not particularly world-dependent:

Unguis the Invulnerable

Once upon a time a cabal of evil wizards were planning to create an army to take over the empire they were located in and to expand its borders afterwards. Named by his masters, Unguis was created via vile rituals and trained as a prototype warrior.
In one of the many tests he went through, only a relatively lower-ranked wizard and a few guards were present. After defeating the enemies that were the test, he killed the wizard (using his breath weapon) and then went after the rest of the people. He managed to slay them all but suffered wounds that would be fatal to a creature without the healing abilities he had.
He eventually recovered and managed to run away before the rest of the cabal could discover what happened. Then he had to survive in the wild. The particular planet his "testing" happened on wasn't a particularly forgiving one so until he found the portal that led him off that world, he got beaten into unconsciousness often, even partly eaten, but he never died. He did need to hunt a lot and eat a lot to fuel his regeneration though.
Unguis thinks life is a constant battle and he doesn't want to lose. He actually enjoys fighting and picks fights often. Currently he's on the run from his former masters, hiding in the wild or taking mercenary jobs. Unbeknownst to him, his creators have sent another prototype, Denticulus (a half-black dragon/half war troll) after him.

A hulking, misshapen bat-winged monstrosity with oversized claws and teeth and red skin, looks ugly even for a troll. Unguis is wrapped in rags that used to be the clothing the underlings that tended to him put on him -- his clothing didn't regenerate like he did and he doesn't particularly care about appearances.

This character is suitable for use as a PC (he can be motivated via equipment, once its usefulness is explained to him and he would be especially motivated by a chance to get rid of his masters for a while or forever) or an NPC (could be a bodyguard of the BBEG or encountered in the wild).

Unguis is 306 cm tall, weighs 272 kg and is about 16 years old. (His aging and development was artificially accelerated.)

[tauknight]

((Ruleset is d20 cthulhu, which is a classless d20 system - with the setting being in the cthulhu mythos by H.P.Lovecraft))


A guy called Ardon and a girl called Serah were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle. He was 6ft tall, quite handsome, with a muscular toned build wearing black leather motorbiker outfit, she was beautiful and wore a red silk dress that fluttered in the wind.

Serah: Slow down, i'm scared.
Ardon: It was your idea...anyway, this is fun.
Serah: No it's not, please, it's so scary.
Ardon: Then tell me you love me.
Serah: I love you, slow down.
Ardon: Now give me a big hug
*She gave him a big hug*
Ardon: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me.

The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The doctors pronounced Ardon dead shortly after.

The truth was that halfway down the road Ardon realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want Serah to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die.

Yet Fate wasnt done with Ardon yet.


Ardon, Human male (pronounced dead and unidentified, but is in an involuntary biofeedback trance in the morgue); Roughly age 24; Height 6ft, Medium build & weight; Level 1; STR 12 DEX 13 CON 11 INT 14 WIS 15 CHA 14; Sanity 75; Speed 30ft;

Defensive Option; Profession – Dilettante; Starting Money (Savings $42,000); No set yearly income.

Health 6; Fortitude +0, Reflex +3, Will +4; Base attack bonus +0;

Attack: Melee Unarmed (+1 unarmed, 1d3+1 subdual damage)

Feats – Sensitive, Biofeedback trance;

Skills (does not include ability score modifiers) – Diplomacy 4, Drive 4, Gather Information 2 Innuendo 4, Knowledge art 4, Knowledge Local 2, Tumble 1, Sleight of Hand 4, Speak Other Language 4 (English [free], French, Irish, German, Latin), Bluff 4, Sense Motive 3, Forgery 4; AC 13 (10 Normal, +2 Defensive, +1 Dex);

Possessions: None. Savings are stored in numerous hidden locations.

[TheElf]

We are still waiting go a character by Kat, but since even the extended deadline is elapsed I will make the poll for the round online now. Of course kat can submit her character later, but the vote is open for now. Also anyone who wants to join the contest can put their character online...

Feel free to discuss the characters.

[TheElf]

Ok, if noone else posts what he/she thinks about the characters, I can tell you why the half red dragon, half troll got my vote. Of course

I think one of the characters is too young to be a seasoned adventurer, the armor she got a few years ago wouldn't be good in size... And who would keep his foster daughter in the slum to be able to buy some armor from a special material?

If we see someone who would become adult at 110, how she looks like at 63? How she looked like several years ago, and how she survived without a "father". And I think it isn't that unusual to see: people treat her more like a friend than a lover. She is simply too young for that. What happened at 7 years of age is surprising.

But stats wise she is a nice character, with OK roleplaying opportunities if we think again about age(s) and if the foster father got out of the slums, had enough time to raise her (probably should be from a long lived race). In this case it would be an excellent character, but it would be older than 70 years, which wouldn't fith the criteria.

Johnson: I like shadowrun, it is a nice game, but I don't know how would this character appear in a game. He isn't a good candidate for a PC, and I think if he is an NPC, it would take some time to explain: why he survives the retaliation from corporations. If it wouldn't be a standard "level" character but would use the rules for higher powered campaigns and would be created with more points, would have some Karma, he would get there somehow, it would be much much better.

Also: if a characters main focus is lifestyle, and someone has access to detailed lifestyle rules, I would expect to see details about the lifestyle.

Ardon is a nice concept, and the story shows some ideas about it, but sadly, the moment I start to imagine how the crash happened, I see several questions unanswered. It takes time to remove the helmet, put it on. If you just turn the engine off, use your engine to slow you down, you can slow down significantly on a motorbike. I can also think about protective clothing, the nature of damage you could suffer if your head is smashed into the building with significant force, etc.

But we don't rate the story about a single event, we rate the character, and at this point I don't see much about his background (And if I see the above as the background...), and I don't see much about how he has no possessions. Not even clothes?

The rest was easy...

[Elrion]

Ardon isn't my character, isn't super powerful and got my vote

[tauknight]

I respect your decision but I had my reasons.

No possessions because he is in a morgue. Also, I intentionally left questions unanswered, as its part of my story, to get the reader to want to read more. He wasnt made for the competition originally, but for my creative writing. I made the character sheet with this in mind, story hooks.

I liked the other characters also, but I voted for queko the kobold because of this - makes me want to read more the most, and kobolds are awesome.

[Raymundo]

Ouch, it is a bit too late to vote...

[TheElf]

Yes, it is a bit late, but you can comment about each character...

[tauknight]

My review:

Some of the characters lacked the detail, which leaves alot to be desired, but this was the first round, so thats fine.

I liked Penny's character, it is a shame it didnt get more votes, alot of effort seemed to have been put into it. Its lack of popularity is surprising, and it is unfortunate that Chubaku hasnt turned up in future rounds, I'd like to see more.

Unguis - While the character is nice, I wouldnt have voted for this character since it brings back feelings of munchkin monstrosity. Other than this, it is well written and has a nice plot hook embedded into it.

[TheElf]

Raymundo: if you review them and say which one would you vote for...